You can be in Second Life as long as you like, there will always be moments when you will feel like a noob again because you discover something that was there all along, but you never knew it. This happened to me recently when I found out about the true purpose of the muting feature.
Of course I had known for a long time that you can mute both people and objects in SL, but silly me, I had a totally wrong idea about what that feature is for. I thought you use it for fending off stalkers and offensive people who pursue you with hateful or harassing chat and IMs, for finding some peace and quiet when someone is getting a little too enthusiastic about their store of sound gestures, or for protecting yourself from griefing objects or shouting lucky chairs in your neighbourhood. In a nutshell, I was under the impression the muting feature was a defensive tool. Nothing could be further from the truth. The true purpose and proper use of muting is to create and prolong drama.
Let me illustrate. The other day an old friend of mine whom I hadn’t seen in a while turned up again at our favourite waterhole, and of course I was happy to see him and greeted him enthusiastically. No reply. He proceeded to say hi to everyone else in the room, but not me. I concluded he hadn’t noticed me, so I said hi again. Still no reaction. Hm. Weird. Next, I tried IM. Nothing. “It’s almost as if he has me muted,” I thought, but then: “Naw, why should he do that? I’ve never had a quarrel with him, nor did I ever spam him with anything. He’s probably just AFK.”
But when the same thing happened the next two or three times I met him and finally even a notecard I tried to pass him got rejected the split second I let go of the mouse button, I had to draw the inevitable conclusion: I was muted. I was incommunicado. I was a pariah. I was as repulsive as a leper to him. My self-esteem dropped like something a vulture lets fall over the Grand Canyon.
I still didn’t have the foggiest idea why he would have done that. Since then, I’ve found a clue – apparently someone’s told him something which made me look bad – but that’s not really my point here. I’d rather draw your attention to the astonishing versatility and effectiveness of the muting feature demonstrated by this story.
This is really where Second Life comes into its own. It’s one of those things that you just can’t do in real life, unless you’re Adam Sandler. Forget about confronting people you feel have done you wrong. Just right-click and mute them! Forget about making an effort to resolve a conflict. You have better things to do, right? You’re in SL for fun after all. Just zap’em. Forget about listening to both sides of a story. Click!
And oh, just think of the sweet drama you can create this way! Even in RL, expert sulkers have long known that it is the silences, the barely audible sighs, the shrugging off of all questions as to what on earth is the matter with them, that draw the most gratifying responses from the people around them and make them the immediate center of everyone’s attention. And they ensure that no constructive communication can happen which might mess it all up by opening up the way to a resolution. Thus, a sulker worth his salt can keep it up ad infinitum. Sulking is an art, and in SL the muting feature is the master’s brush.
Of course, like anything in SL, the muting feature offers room for optimization. There’s no reason, for example, why you should be able to shut out chat, IMs, sounds and objects from other avatars, but not their sight. It’s a real drawback that you still have to see those abominable people you’ve punished with your powerful muting wrath. (For you still go to the places where they are, of course – what would be the point of muting them if you didn’t, after all?) And you still have to listen to the things others say to the muted person, which can be a bit of a nuisance at times when you’re trying to follow a conversation with parts of it beeped out. Maybe someone should put in a feature request so that anyone who still talks to the person you’ve muted will automatically be muted, too. Might get a little quiet around you over time, of course, but so what? If anyone had anything worthwhile to say, they wouldn’t be saying it to them anyway, right?
February 14, 2008 at 8:18 pm |
Hey Dylan!
Just in the off-chance it might be useful, I wanted to point out just how *easy* it is to accidentally mute someone, or worse – mute the wrong person. :O
If you’ve been muted by someone where it doesn’t make any sense at all, I’d use an un-muted friend to find out first whether it might have been an unintended accident first
Since I’m not around that much, maybe they’ve already changed the functionality so its not as easy as it used to be to accidentally mute someone. I just remember an excruciatingly embarrasing incident where I meant to mute a griefer, and inadvertently muted Sherah Psaltery by mistake
I didn’t even realize it until she had someone IM me on her behalf 
February 14, 2008 at 8:49 pm |
Lol yeah, I’ve done that, too. Luckily the accidentally muted person never noticed it before I did and corrected my mistake. Not the case here, though, I’m afraid, :-/
February 15, 2008 at 9:29 pm |
*feels noob too*
And I added a link to this post in my blog today
February 16, 2008 at 10:40 am |
Your blog demonstrates so well the “everything has to be fun” society we live in today.
So my conclusion on this matter is that people who aren’t talkers in RL sure aren’t talkers in SL. good for them there is a mute option . (probably invented by a non-talker) }8-)=
Talking your way out of difficult situations is an artform itself, It is almost as good as erotic texting
February 21, 2008 at 12:16 am |
Sometimes leaving someone un-muted can cause more drama than just muting them. I know this personally because of my temper- I just mute people I really don’t care to talk to and YAY I don’t get so upset. It’s not a “everything has to be fun” feature- it’s usually to keep temper down to a minimum, or to keep fights from being started. So, instead of being upset, maybe you should be thankful the person has you muted, because you’d probably end up muting them in defense anyways.
Mute = anger management as well as defense!
February 21, 2008 at 7:05 am |
Point taken, Alexa. To mute someone in order to keep yourself from lashing out against them in anger can actually be a very mature thing to do. But that’s a short-term measure, isn’t it? It can’t be a replacement for resolution. If you mute someone and keep them muted a) without ever trying to find out whether you had good reason to be angry in the first place, and b) without ever coming down from your anger and trying to talk things out, that’s not very mature, I think. Nor healthy or helpful. Anyway, personally I’d rather deal with someone’s anger against me if it’s expressed openly. At the very least, that would give me a chance to learn something.
February 22, 2008 at 10:21 am |
Gotta agree with Dylan here. Besides, if you don’t deal with it here, it’s sure to come around again until you do. Can’t mute the whole world
February 22, 2008 at 10:43 pm |
Dylan, it is indeed unfortunate that this person of whom you speak has muted you. And perhaps .. sadly .. the reason is for judgement from a third party accounting.. but since your muted and can not ask directly.. I suggest taking Travis’s suggestion and having a thrid party inquire. You’ve mentioned that your muting was not accidental.. perhaps the same source who gave you that information might work as a liason of communication with the person who has muted you. If it comes back to the person who muted you , * in my opinion wrongly without talking to you first * .. that your aware of the muting and make no effort to try to fix it .. it opens the door for worse drama or negative situation. ( I muted him and he doesnt even seem to care .. ) for example . However , if it comes back to them .. your effected, be it upset or concerned or heck just bewildered as to “what the heck ??” .. its bound to show that person.. it matters to you. And to me .. I would think thats a positive .. showing you care about their feelings. So to restate, I agree with Travis . have a third party you trust .. inquire…mention.. whatever, that this is something youd like to fix and see where it goes from there. If you havent personally done anything wrong to this person and they still wish to judge or misjudge you without discussion.. then you at least know .. you fought for the friendship .. and cared. If you cant use your own words to resolve a situation perhaps the old cliche’ Actions speak louder than words might be applied. Take action to establish a communication
This blog comment was brought to you by Lagg… slower than molasses , able to cover large grids in a single overload.. look on the sim.. its a turtle.. its a raft … its …LAGG! 
)) Good Luck Dylan.
February 23, 2008 at 12:07 am |
Not necessarily a short term measure- I’ve had people muted for months because every time I see them I want to orbit them to the moon for what they’ve done to me.
It may be immature to a point- but at the same time it’s what they think is best- and just because you may want answers doesn’t mean you’re going to get them. Sadly, world doesn’t revolve around yourself (general yourself- not you specifically) and you’re probably not going to find out the answer to what you are looking for- it’s a hopeless hunt that you’re probably not going to win. It takes two people to figure out answers and they probably think they are right with what they’ve done and don’t think they need to explain their actions. I’d look back and see who the person got their information from and then try to figure out what it is you did that hurt them indirectly.
February 25, 2008 at 3:44 pm |
been keeping pretty quiet on this for the most part, but I have to agree with both Dylan and Rosa….ask the person who muted you via a email if necessary or even ask the third party to request an unmute and discuss. If they don’t, not much you can do. I disagree with Alexandra re this:
“I’d look back and see who the person got their information from and then try to figure out what it is you did that hurt them indirectly.:
If that IS the case…then how are you supposed to know what said third party offered up or who said third party even was for information that indirectly hurt said muter? That’s like looking for a needle in a haystack without directions to the haystack. You would have no way of knowing what was said or wasn’t said *sighs* let alone who said it. I guess you would have some inkling as to who said something..but unless you speak directly with the muter…you have no way of knowing exactly what was said that hurt muters feelings *clear as mud I am sure*
Love Ya Alex…but it’s just something a person cannot figure out on their own without the proper information.
In any case, my personal opinion on muting is that when used until anger has calmed down…then it’s understandable. If it’s anger your carrying around and muting is required at all times to keep yourself in check or else all craziness will break out then your best off talking to the person the craziness is over–confrontation sucks but no sense carrying around that type of anger with you. It’s not healthy for anyone to hold that type of anger in…it just isn’t. But then again, I don’t mute anyone except greifers for any reason. It’s not in my nature to harbor grudges or carry anger and I tend to get it out in the open if someone makes me mad enough to spit (which is rare) and even then I still don’t mute them even if we can’t clear up the issue.
and Rosa? llllaaagggaaalliiccciooussss embrace it! we own it!